Stop the Presses! Herman Cain won the Florida straw poll! The other Republican candidates must be doing a double-time review of the plan he calls, “Nine, Nine, Nine.” So, let’s see.
* Nine percent flat national income tax.
* Nine percent flat corporate tax.
* Nine percent flat national sales tax.
Maybe Steve Forbes can sue for copyright infringement, but it’s clean, simple, and fair. Fair? Um, let’s take a closer look.
Nine percent national flat income tax. Everybody would pay nine percent, no deductions. Big break for the rich, very rich, super rich, and obscenely rich. Put a few million more into Warren Buffet’s pocket. As for the poor, why should they get away with paying no income tax at all?
Nine percent flat corporate tax. Maybe bad news for multi-nationals weaseling out of all taxes, great news for the rest whose tax is almost double nine percent.
Nine percent national sales tax. On everything? Will I have to pay an extra 45 cents for my Sunday NY Times? Will I have to pay 9% federal tax plus 8.875% state and city tax on my next TV set? Will I have to add $11 extra to my weekly grocery bill? Will the subway go from $2.50 to $2.73? Will college cost $900 more for every $10,000 it costs now? Will people too poor ever to have paid tax, start paying taxes on rice, pasta, milk, sox, T shirts? Will the national average food cost for a family of four go from $700 dollars a month to $763? Will there be a tax on food stamps? Will it raise gasoline taxes by another 9%? General Motors, listen up! Great news for the Volt!
Nine per cent added to the average food bill, will not be noticed by the rich because there’s just so much one person can eat. Even the difference between the tax on pasta with cheese, and sirloin with truffles won’t ruffle million-and up-earners, but will ravage a family at the poverty line. Nor will 9% more for silk underwear and Ferragamo shoes, be noticed by million-and-ups, but be a drag if you buy your underwear at Wal Mart and wear it until it falls off.
Herman Cain, master mind of “Nine, Nine, Nine,” is not your ordinary Republican candidate. Unlike Romney, he’s never held public office, but like him, he’s a business man. He’d sure like to give Americans the business.
“Nine, Nine, Nine,” turns out to be one more Republican trick to let the rich pay less, the poor pay more. But it sure has a lilt. Sing it to the tune of “Three Blind Mice.”
Nine, Nine, Nine, (echo), Nine, Nine, Nine
See how it runs, (echo), See how it runs
I It runs all over the middle class,
It’s author must be a horse’s ass
Did ever you see such a plan so crass,
As Nine, Nine, Nine